I Guess I Have To

4:11pm: So, what did you do today?
Well lets see.. I got up, had tea, realized my throat is bruised from the inside out, smiled, put on a bathing suit and went to work. THEN during the kinder-prep swim lesson, I lulled a four year old into a false sense of security then man handled her kicking,screaming, and writhing body into the pool.

Who knew four year olds could struggle so well? I certainly didn't. Right now I'm between feeling bad for doing it, feeling fear that I might have made her nervousness worse, and this sick satisfaction that i KNEW what was best for that squirmy twerp and MADE her learn something.

Wouldn't you people have done the same?

1:25am:

1:29pm: Stupid Things People Do
Not so important:
Dairy
So I’m a little just sensitive to milk and crap, and of course I know this, but it’s always a shock when I take it too far and make myself REALLY fucking sick. I loooove ice-cream, and fettuccini Alfred and cream soups and cereal with milk and the list goes on. Last night, I got sick. I’ve been having cereal and milk for breakfast since I got to California because I’m trying to eat a little healthier. Then I had tomato soup for lunch (which my aunt had me put cream into), and then at dinner there was a cream sauce on everything but the steak… So, not surprisingly in hindsight, I got really really sick last night. I pulled the car over and everything. The last time I was that pukey gross was when I was 7 and we were driving up from Clifton to Rochester to visit my dad. Why the hell did I do this to myself?? *stupid stupid stupid stupid*

Legitimate Exercise
3 days in a row now, and while I’m a bit ouchy, it makes me feel so much better. I need to get some de-chlorinating shampoo cause my hair is getting ridiculous again.

Important:
Promises
I promised myself at the end of UYO that I’d not ask my partners questions about each other. I promised myself that I’d be more direct in my relationships with them individually. I’ve had minor success in that I’ve stopped asking one about the other, and I definitely am proud of myself for telling you both about feeling left out of stupid shit like purchases of kinky things, but I’ve started failing in other areas. It’s hard to be direct with my questions because I’m afraid of the consequences. No, never mind, sitting in front of the computer for 10 minutes trying to finish this thought is too difficult, I’ll continue with it later, I’m sure.

Eh.

1:44am: Being powerful is like being a lady; if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t. ~ Margaret Thatcher

Powerful? who the hell is really powerful? i think it's just that some people are more charismatic or bossy or both than others... and some people are doormats, or prefer to be doormats.

the first time i encountered the concept of "to be this way, you don't have to share" was when i was taking my eastern religions class. people who are enlightened... just are. and of course, being a teenager...and a girl...and pretty damn gay at the time, i pushed that concept onto my love life. it made me question why kelley and i always flaunted our pda in peoples faces... i mean, besides the fact that are both a bit on the exhibition side, it was more of an act, a play, a way of saying "LOOK! we're awesome!" yeah... it didn't work out in the long run.

i'm not sure i like this quote at all... it makes me think of the snooty women from the old south. the ladies that took tea on the back porch, the ones that used emily dickenson mannerisms in a modern way to viciously attack other women... or, maybe i just don't know what i'm talking about. i'm not even sure i'm a lady. the first and only time i ever remember being referred to as such (aside from being called young lady when i was littler) was when i was working at a privately owned toy store. mom and her kid were buying something and the kid wanted to pay... when the transaction was complete, the mom told the kid to "thank the nice lady."

bah.

i think i'm just a person, i don't fit in with any class at this point... i guess i should be upper middle class, but fuck that noise, it's boring. unfortunately, i'm too snooty to go much lower than lower middle class, so my horizons are small.

now i'm rambling

end.

1:38am: QOTW 2
Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best.
At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.
— Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinlein)

google def. of dignity- http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%3A+dignity
google def. of whore- http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=define%3A+whore

True lady is such a controversial term... it can refer to the way that a woman is trained to behave in the public... it can be used to describe a woman most people would consider a snob or a prude... it could also just be a term used to describe a particularly mature woman.

For me, being a lady comes down to not only how well one behaves in public but in a private setting as well. Being a lady is more of an emotionally healthy state of mind than anything else. For example; a lady generally doesn't make an ass of herself by getting shit faced and puking on someones shoes; a lady doesn't ram her personal relationships over and over until the break and fall through cracks; and a lady doesn't harp on and on about all of the wrongs that have or are being done to her... a lady is "well behaved".

A true lady would never shed her worthiness of being respected, that would not be a healthy thing to do. On the contrary, no matter what a lady does in the bedroom, she will always only do things that she can wake up in the morning and say "gee, that was awesome, i still like myself, i think i'll do that again" about.

As for being able to switch being modest on and off... that just goes with social territories. One can't very well run around talking about their sex life in front of children. That would be wrong on too many levels :P

suggestions for the next QOTW... if you're taking a quote out of a book, pretty please give some background information of the character and the circumstances surrounding the quote.

12:59am: Hate
i HATE these cutesy lil mood thingys that bounce up and down. blah